PSYCHE

By Phoemella Jane Balderrama, Head Layout Artist

All it took was one TikTok video to bring back the debate over what women are worth. When men make demands of women, it has long been seen as normal. But when the same demands came from women, love suddenly became “too conditional.” As if expecting security in this unstable economy is something women should apologize for.

In the discourse, you can see a lot of women who stood firm in defending their “demanding” standards. They contended that wanting a financially capable partner is not about greed, but about security and stability. 

On the other hand, others — mostly men — objected, claiming that love should be unconditional and not based on numbers or paper bills. This argument, however, misses the point of why such standards exist in the first place. 

These are not shallow demands but a reflection of real-life needs, grounded in the realities of survival.

A lot of women have a ‘date-to-marry’ mindset. They enter relationships with their future already mapped out. Choosing a lifelong partner is not just about compatibility or even unconditional love. Because love alone won’t put food on the table. It won’t pay your bills. Love becomes difficult when you spend every day trying to make ends meet.

Not every woman can be like George from ‘The Hows of Us,’ who chooses love over and over again, even if it means putting her own dreams on hold. Some women give their time, money, even their future — only to be met with betrayal. 

Take social media personality Meiko Montefalco, for example. Even after covering her husband’s expenses and funding her own wedding – which is traditionally expected from the man – and giving him all the love some are only longing for, he still cheated. These are not isolated incidents. Love without responsibility is not sustainable. And we, women, cannot afford to gamble on it.

Even she was not exempt from facing the reality of being a single mom. According to a survey by the World Health Organization, about 95 percent of the 15 million single parents in the Philippines are women. Life is already difficult for women due to social stigma, job discrimination, and societal expectations — what more for a single mother? Raising a child, managing a household, and working extra shifts just to earn enough to survive, yet asking for equal responsibility from men is now labeled “selfish.”

This points to the underlying reason behind the growing number of single mothers. Fatherlessness has become one of the most detrimental trends of our time. Most of us have probably known a friend or acquaintance who grew up without a father. The thing is, the impact goes beyond the child’s emotional well-being — it manifests in lesser household income, increased dependence on government assistance, and educational challenges.

The pattern is all too familiar. It all stems from either the inability to afford fatherhood or simply the unwillingness to man up. Either way, women are the ones left to carry the consequences, leaving them with no choice but to compensate for men who abandon responsibilities they were never willing to own.

Whether or not a woman plans to have a child, maternal instinct is hardwired in our society. Women are ‘born’ to care, to provide, and to survive. Like a mother who would do anything for her child, women instinctively shoulder responsibility. But in today’s economy, instinct alone won’t cut it. Women need men who can step up and show some balls.

The debate becomes even more grounded when placed in the context of the Philippine economy. With rising costs of living, the ongoing oil crisis, and persistent underpays, the financial pressures continue to mount endlessly. 

These pressures are felt the most by live-in couples, as financial adversity makes it even harder for households to cope with economic instability. What makes it worse is that the estimated family living wage of ₱1,225 has surpassed the average daily minimum wage of ₱645. With these estimates, we can see that they’re only earning half of what is required for basic living. It clearly shows how far behind families are in earning to meet their needs. 

If this remains unresolved, people will become even more reliant on debts, be forced to take on additional sidelines, or worse, cut back on essential expenses — settling for the bare minimum.

When these are faced all at once, couples are forced to make difficult financial decisions. In this situation, having a financially irresponsible partner becomes impractical to sustain.

Relationships cannot exist in isolation from economic reality. It’s not like how it was presented in the movies. Love alone won’t guarantee you a secure future. 

While the trend about ‘broke boys not deserving women’ may sound harsh, it serves as a wake-up reminder on how complicated love becomes in a struggling economy. It was never about putting a price on women’s bodies, nor their love. After all, no one is entitled to anyone else.

The reality is, the moment you voluntarily and committedly enter a relationship with someone is the time you become intertwined with their future. The question is not whether you “deserve” it, but whether you can shoulder the responsibility — and that goes both ways.

Women are not materialistic; they’re survivors. Lived experiences, societal pressures, and the harsh realities of adulthood shape them into having expectations with others like any human being, too. Love can no longer exist on sentiment alone. And that means recognizing that financial readiness matters just as much as sweet romance.

(Illustration by Elysse Nicolle Duller/FEU Advocate)