Daydreaming is the closest thing to permanence I can hope for. On the most mundane of days, I just sit in class and scribble nonsense to cure my boredom, letting my mind cloud up with the thought of you.
Unexpectedly, the chaotic tangle of lines starts to unravel — taking the shape of a symbol so familiar.
I find myself thinking about how easy life would be if we were cartoon characters. Our bodies would just be lines I can connect so fluidly, with this doodled ampersand in between. Simple, effortless, yet so heartfelt.
But we’re stuck in reality, and the only thing just as simple, effortless, and heartfelt is knowing you.
Knowing how funny you find my cynical humor, or how you tilt your eyebrows when you’re confused — it’s obvious that I’ve memorized you, and it terrifies me. Because what if this warmth is just like our initials written in the sand, left to wash away, or traced on the vapor on a car window, soon to fade.
Then again, no matter how strongly fear pushes me back to the safety of my mind, the persistence of emotions can be overpowering.
So while I’m still living in this cacophony of giddiness and anxiety, I’ll carve our initials for the world to see. Somewhere that can outlive my embarrassment, continuing to grow even if I choose to forget it. Something that can brave the harshness of the seasons to come, and survive the decades it has yet to live.
In the bark of a tree.
No matter how constant change may be, I know this tree will preserve this memory. Someone may scribble over it, but our mark will always be embedded underneath. As it grows taller, it will only take our names to soaring heights. Should it be cut down, it will leave behind a seed that carries the memory of our hearts.
It’s ‘you & me,’ and a hope that this becomes more than just a daydream.
- Russell Ognes
(Photo by Rian Balagtas/FEU Advocate)