In a sea of people, my gaze swims.
Raking through each face and drop of tears,
I look for yours—your eyes are closed.
In a casket you lie; in the church we stand.

We all wear black, yet somehow, I feel so out of place.
Because when you left, their tears stained handkerchiefs,
While my tears fell on someone else’s pillowcase.
They prayed for your name in masses,
While I danced and left places in a daze.

Because when you left, instead of you,
I said the words “I love you” to Peter;
I told the workplace gossip to Lou;
I built a home and a bed with Matthew.
Because when you left,
I gave my love to everyone but you.

Now, here I stand where you lie,
Wearing black and a tearful goodbye.
I look for your face—your eyes forever closed.
Under a tombstone, your gaze won’t meet.
My heart holds grief where love once beat.

- Cassandra Janine L. dela Cruz
(Illustration by Darlyn Antoinette Baybayon/FEU Advocate)