By Eunhice Corpuz and Mariah Louise Miciano 

At the beginning of a journey, a crucial step is to decide what path to take and how to end it according to one’s plan, but not all plans are straight lines; some have zigzags and twists. For the Far Eastern University (FEU) Class of 2025, the road to success holds a different perspective, as their what-ifs, could've-beens, and regrets linger like an annoying bug at night. Thus, these versions of their ‘multo’ are a natural part of their journey, as they explore college’s maze and find the right exit to take. 

The Batch of 2025 held their graduation rites at the Newport Performing Arts Theater in Pasay City last July 22 to 24. Despite the continuous rains and surge of the southwest monsoon that threatened to dampen their spirits, most of them still managed to receive their diplomas. 

Content warning: This article discusses mental health struggles and suicidal set out.

Where do I begin? 

Upon entering a maze like college, the first mission is you need to maneuver the map on how to blend into the community that you’ll be joining. For the Class of 2025, their college journey is brimming with diverse stories to tell, being the inaugural tertiary batch of the mid-pandemic distance learning. Channeling that excitement of entering the start of a maze of branching paths, dead ends, and unexpected detours was crushed as their freshman orientation occurred virtually instead.

Alongside this predicament, fresh Bachelor of Science (BS) in Psychology graduate John Ross Cruz expressed his dismay as someone who had a clear plan for college, but was halted by the lockdown and had a hard time to process the sudden shift—especially as someone who is a vocal person.

“My freshman year was the first year of lockdown. Ang dami ko sanang plano before when I became a college student na nasayang kasi naka-lockdown tayo no'n, and it was a very tumultuous time as a vocal student,” Cruz reflected. 

Despite this, he stated that the pandemic gave him a chance for a deeper understanding of his goals in life. He deemed it as a transition phase from pursuing to be a lawyer to figuring out better what he wants to be.

“Pero ayun, transitional period ko kasi ‘yung freshie year ko, from wanting to be a lawyer to not knowing ano ba gusto ko. At least though, doon ko pretty much natutunan sarili ko,” the Psychology graduate expressed. 

Each beginning of a journey captures a different perspective to cater to, since not all prologues align with a common goal; some are made with a singular, straightforward vision. That is how BS in Internal Auditing graduate Aaliyah Abenoja, previously from BS in Accountancy, initially envisioned her college journey. 

“During my freshman year, my only goal was to graduate on time and earn a degree in Accountancy. I did not expect to earn academic awards because of how difficult the program is,” she said. 

However, this goal was shattered when she failed to pass the second qualifying exam, forcing her to shift to the Internal Auditing program instead. 

“However, after failing the second qualifying exam, I had to shift to a BS in Internal Auditing. I felt disappointed in myself because I didn’t know how to respond to a major change I wasn’t prepared for,” Abenoja stressed. 

Despite having to shift after failing the exam, she persevered and slowly learned to embrace the redirected path she took.

The same goes for the plot of Bachelor of Arts in Communication (Comm) Major in Convergent Media (ConMed) graduate Cathleen Cajucom, who is a shiftee from the FEU Nursing program. 

Cajucom expected to complete her BS in Nursing degree, pass the licensure exam, and move to the U.S., yet fate had a completely different plan. 

“Boy, I was so wrong. I really thought I’d eventually love Nursing with my whole heart and would be able to endure the fact that I’m not too happy about it, but what matters is I’m surviving,” she described.

The Comm graduate expressed that she doesn’t regret her decision to change her path and called her decision a one-way ticket leading to the road where her heart has been beating for the longest time. 

“After 2 years, 4 semesters, in Nursing, I shifted to Comm, and it was the best decision and redirection I had. No regrets up to this day,” she remarked. 

From an extraordinary setup to various programs, college is indeed like a bewildering labyrinth to navigate. Still, the sudden changes and obstacles they overcame are what made their stories interesting as they march into the next level. 

Challenges that leave a mark

The more challenges one faces, the more they learn to become stronger and braver. But sometimes, the obstacles one encounters take a lot more courage to conquer, as no battle in life leaves someone without a trace to remember.

A unique story shared by another Comm graduate, Kristine Villanueva, revealed the factors that made her question the road she was taking. 

“Nung first year ko sa FEU, laging below average ‘yung nakukuha kong scores sa major courses, which made me think—gusto ko ba at para sa akin ba talaga mag-Arts related program?” Villanueva stated. 

She pointed out the irony of being a former Literary and Cultural Studies student at Polytechnic University of the Philippines but lacking the writing capabilities when the program she pursued at a new university demanded more of it. 

“‘Yung lack of exposure ko sa mga bagay na parte ng Comm ang nagpapakuwestiyon sa capabilities ko from time to time,” the Comm graduate said. 

Despite this setback, she set forth to take it as a challenge, determined to be better the next time. For her, failure offers a fresh perspective on learning. 

“I took it as a challenge to myself. If I was not satisfied with my outputs, puwede namang bumawi sa susunod. I tried different roles tuwing may production classes, just so I could have a grasp of what to do,” Villanueva mentioned.

There would be these times when you contemplate what you could truly offer to the program you are pursuing, and whether they were enough to stay within the four-squared room. 

However, signs often emerge during slow days and episodes of self-sabotage, indicating that doubts are small pieces of growth waiting to be nurtured. 

Alongside Villanueva, BS in Architecture Major in Building Construction graduate Peter Floyd San Jose disclosed that before starting classes at the University of the Philippines (UP) Los Baños, he faced significant personal struggles leading to his first suicide attempt. 

Mental struggles are among the hardest to overcome, requiring years of understanding that you are not different from others. As one starts to enter a pothole, we should also remember that people who are dealing with these battles are the bravest ones, showing their light in that dark and gloomy area, and seeking the right people to lean on. 

“My answer isn’t necessarily about my college journey, but life in general. Bago pa man mag-start ang classes ko nun sa UP, I had my first attempt. I didn’t know what I was going through; I’m in denial na may depression ako kasi I have a relatively good life and the people around me are so great,” San Jose revealed. 

According to him, things worsened when the pandemic started. Yet, when he decided to seek professional help, it aided him in boosting his morale and mental health. 

“Malaking tulong talaga ang therapy, meds, at siyempre support ng family and friends, pero what I believe really helped me is ‘yung desire ko to get better,” he described. 

San Jose took a gap year, dedicating it to his healing and embracing new activities to take up his time. During this time, he focused on self-care and empowered his will to live a longer, more meaningful life. 

“I decided to stop for a year para sa healing ko. I started journaling, eating and sleeping better, reading books, doing art, and jogging/running. Basically, I got back to my core, what I’m passionate about, and what makes me want to live more,” he added.

Navigating a path full of potholes, San Jose braved his way to an Architecture degree and now lives a fulfilling and lively life. And despite starting the journey with a strong and deep setback, he finally unchained his potential to see the brighter side of his purpose. 

From the unexpected changes we encounter along our college journey, students may falter on how to start their path. You may feel the loneliness in between the deadlines, and one may fade in the darkness doubting their skills. But one thing is for sure, these kinds of obstacles are stepping stones to being braver for what lies ahead. 

Ghost of our yesterday

Although our journey might take us to unexpected routes, these crossroads still have their own way of haunting us—our ‘multo’ that linger in the back of our minds.

May it be a Latin honor, an opportunity we missed, a title we had always wanted, a singular point in our General Weighted Average or Quality Point Average (QPA) that could have qualified us for the Dean’s List (DL), someone dear we lost, a version of ourselves that vanished along the way, or the memories we shared with the people who made our whole stay in FEU worthwhile. These ‘maybes’ haunt our system while we navigate the turns and twists of our college journey.

BS in Accountancy graduate Rod Jasper Sevilla recalled how the pandemic and online classes drained the passion he once had in high school, which urged him to take a gap year during his sophomore year in college. But even though it helped him a lot, he still misses the past version of himself. 

“The spark I had during those days burned so brightly that even I was amazed by it. I was a student leader, I juggled academics with travel, I passed every college entrance exam I took, and I even dreamed of earning four degrees. The passion I had for learning and exploring back then is something I can barely compare to what I have now. If the pandemic hadn’t happened, I truly believe my life would look very different from what it is today,” Sevilla remembered. 

Meanwhile, a shiftee from BS in Architecture and another Comm graduate, Joshua Failadona, revealed that one of his ‘multo’ is not being part of the DL and earning a Latin honor. 

He believes that FEU should give irregular students a chance to be awarded because they are equally as deserving.

“I hope FEU would give opportunities for irregular students na ma-recognize rin kahit papaano kasi deserve rin naman nila, kung pasok sa number of units, why not?” Failadona suggested. 

But more than these titles, Failadona’s greatest what-if is the thought that his late father never got the chance to witness him graduate in person. 

“Since my father died a few months ago, ‘yung biggest ‘multo’ ko right now is ‘yung ma-witness niya ako grumaduate. Ever since as a child… nagtatrabaho siya sa ibang bansa [so] he never saw me graduating in person… I hope he’s happy and he’s proud of me,” the student continued. 

Failadona added that he had a hard time telling his father about his decision to shift because he was afraid of his reaction. But contrary to what he expected, his father reassured him that he could do whatever he wanted and they would find a way, whatever it was.

He started college in 2018 and had to shift because his QPA did not meet the program’s requirements. Nonetheless, this redirection did not faze him because he had the support of his family and friends who helped him throughout the process.

Meanwhile, Villanueva’s ‘multo’ is graduating on time, especially because she witnessed all her friends posting their graduation photos during her supposed commencement last 2024.

“It seemed trivial, to be so fixated sa idea na I could have been part of Batch 2024 where I would’ve graduated alongside my friends. Mahirap tanggapin at first… especially when they posted their graduation pictures last year. May nagiging thought na bumubulong sa akin [na] andiyan din sana ako,” Villanueva recalled. 

Similarly, Cajucom felt that even though she understood her situation, it was still hard to witness her batchmates graduate before and without her. 

“Although I understood the circumstances I was in and it was something I had to face because I shifted. It was somehow hard when I watched my batchmates graduate on time… I wish I could've had the privilege to just focus on studying rather than finding ways to have food or be able to pay for what I need in the following days. I hope I had the time to actually enjoy normal college life rather than sacrificing experiences because I’m too busy earning my scholarship or working,” the ConMed student reminisced. 

Another Comm graduate and a hair and makeup artist, Raine Soriano, shared how the thought of starting early on her business haunts her up to this day because it could have given her resources for her program.

“Siguro ‘yung hindi ko siya mas ginawa nang mas maaga [business] para sana… nakapag-ipon ako ng pambili ng camera. Kasi nga ‘di ba ‘yung kakulangan ko sa gamit ang nag-hinder sa akin para makamit ko ‘yung goal maging DOP [Director of Photography] [at] mabigyan ng opportunity maging cinematographer ganiyan,” she remarked.  

Soriano disclosed that she began doing business in junior high school, but only for fun. She now regrets this, believing that if she had maximized her career’s potential, she would have earned enough to sustain her program’s requirements. 

“So, my ‘multo’ is ‘yong hindi ko inagahan ‘yung pagbi-business ko at hindi ko cinareer. Parang ginawa ko lang siyang for fun, ganun,” the working student stated. 

As students in this economy, our main goal upon entering college is to graduate on time, in the hopes of helping our families and fulfilling our dreams. And to do that, we need to be prepared for the obstacles that will inevitably arise and test our goals. 

The pressure of finishing on time and the thought of having financial issues pile up, making it harder to cope and continue. Nevertheless, we somehow find our way back to our goals and fulfill the dreams that remind us why we started. 

Phantoms of the past, endings of the present 

In stories, when the plot reaches its climax, it will either conclude with a ‘happily ever after’ or leave it hanging like a cliffhanger. Meanwhile, in an academic setting, the only ending that everyone desires is to turn their tassels, marking a new beginning of their lives.

Although, along the road of this adventure, the constant feeling of what could have been persists at night, slowly eating away at one's system—where the pondering continues as if it's part of the everyday routine. If only things had gone as expected, then the thoughts would no longer linger. 

Yet, Abenoja firmly asserted that when defining regrets and success along her journey, the regrets maneuver the success of what lies ahead of her. 

“Regrets are motivators of success because succeeding alone makes you satisfied with what you have, but regrets push you [to] grow and be better,” she expressed.

However, Cruz believes that he became motivated to keep on going in spite of the setbacks of being delayed—he stood firm for his advocacy, which is to make mental health assistance accessible in all sectors while receiving the full support system from his family.  

“I'm doing this kasi gusto kong mapaabot pa ang accessible na mental health assistance sa lahat ng sektor ng lipunan. I strive na maging parte na babasag sa glass barrier ng accessibility ng mental health services sa mamamayan. This is why I strive to get to where I am now. This is why I can't just give this up, nasa tabi ko ‘yung pamilya kong alam ko na supported ako sa lahat ng endeavors ko,” the Psychology graduate asserted. 

Meanwhile, for San Jose, as someone who went through hardships and struggles, he affirmed himself on finishing one of the hardest programs and expressed how proud he is of ending his academic journey whole and lively. 

“I am proud to have finished [Architecture] despite it being one of the hardest programs out there. I am really proud of myself for reaching this point, when I once (several times, actually) thought of giving up on life. Proud ako sa parents and family ko. Proud ako sa mga kaibigan at taong nakasalamuha ko in this journey,” the Architecture graduate said.

Lastly, other people’s comments about life will never be the standard for someone who strives to grind and continue life. As Soriano reiterated, you are above the criticisms thrown at you, and that is how she defines success. 

“Ang success for me sa bagay na ‘yon ay mas paniwalaan mo ‘yung sarili mo, mas pairalin mo talaga ‘yung sarili mo and hindi naman siya pagiging selfish kasi kung alam mo naman at kung nababalance mo naman both acads and work, then there’s nothing to be guilty about,” the Comm graduate stated.

In life, the obstacles we encounter are the tiny pieces of who we are, waiting to be discovered and developed. Each ghost that haunts us at night symbolizes our vulnerability as humans, but for as long as we breathe, we can be ready to conquer the highs and lows of life and reach the finish line.

Whether the graduates get over these haunting experiences or not, what is certain is that their whole college era leaves a gift greater than what-ifs and could-have-beens. The journey was filled with twists and turns, yet it’s undeniable that their stay in FEU shaped them into who they are today and gave the nostalgic feeling of fulfillment and dreaming that every Tamaraw could look back to. They will always carry the spirit that brings back different versions for unique trails of success that resonate In Thy Happy Halls. 

(Photos by Aleena Louise Abad, Melvin James Urubio and Ma. Louela Luna; Layout by Jonathan Carlos Ponio/FEU Advocate)